The thing no one talks about in real estate.
We’re always using the terms transaction, sale, purchase, etC to describe buying and selling a home. While those terms are fully pertinent and accurate, what they don’t hint at is the rollercoaster of emotions that occur when you decide to buy or sell.
When I’m meeting clients for the first time, I notice that they often approach the process in a linear, methodical and sterile way. thats what they know of real estate- that it’s just a transaction to navigate through. I’ve also seen these folks get absolutely blindsided when the emotional component comes up.
Below, I’ll lay out the common feelings that are triggered in the process so you don’t have to be surprised by your own (happy or sad) tears.
Buy side emotions
Initial Meeting- Excitement, trepidation, curiosity, overwhelm
Since it can be a brand new experience, I see folks feeling reticent and cautious because of all of the unknowns! There is a lot to learn when we first meet and it can feel like a lot to hold on to-Don’t worry about retaining all of the information, I’m here to make sure you understand and fill in the gaps for when you missed something. It’s also so so exciting and interesting so its natural to be giddy and excited.
House Hunting- Confusion, anxiety, excitement
This is (supposedly) the fun part! But it can be disorienting and overwhelming. You may discover you have more dealbreakers than you thought or find that you want a completely different kind of home than you originally set out to buy. You may also find that a light fixer is actually a heavy fixer to you or that you are falling in love with a popialr home! It is an enlightening experience but can be a lot to navigate!
Offer writing- Anxiety, confusion, excitement
This always feels a bit scary- you’re signing legal documents! You’re making a big choice! you’re potentially having to compete for your absolute dream home! Often folks question if they are making a good choice, get anxious about the big numbers or get overwhelmed about all of the information. This is the time for deep breaths and trust- in your realtor and in your gut. You’ll know when it’s the right decision-keep eyes on the prize and you’ll be golden.
offer acceptance- elation, anxiety
OMG! You got your offer accepted! omg! what have you done! So often people wake up after offer acceptance and have anxiety- its the biggest purchase you may ever make in your life, of course you’re anxious! Take a deep breath and know you still have an out if you need and this feeling will most likely pass and morph into joy. Anxiety and elation often occur concurrently which can be confusing and sometimes people get it mixed up with intuition telling them to take a beat. I’m here to help you sort though those feeling to make sure you’re on the right path and ideally make sure you feel confident before getting your offer accepted.
Inspection & negotiations- fear, anger, anxiety, sadness, curiosity
Ah yes, The dreaded inspection period. This tends to be the most contentious and difficult part of the sale. You may be discovering the house is in much worse shape than you thought or so scared tallying up the repairs it might need. You also may be pleasantly surprised at how solid it is and excited to have a professionals eyes on the place to help you learn as much as you can about your future home. Inspections are a great time to really dig in to that curiosity. The negotion portion can feel so icky- both sides often make up narratives about the other and its so important to keep level headed and stick to the facts here. This is a huge reason having a good realtor on your side is imperative.
Closing- Elation, excitement, relief, anxiety
The finish line! You did it! This is usually so so fun and just waves of relief and happiness but it’s not abnormal to feel anxious as well! You just made a huge purchase, you may have some work to do or a big move ahead of you or it’s just a lot of future unknowns that you’re staring down. anything new can be scary, house buying no exception. But this is your moment to feel joy and pride for getting here!
Sell Side Emotions
Initial Meeting- Excitement, Caution, curiosity, overwhelm
Deciding its time to sell is a big deal! it’s also so much work so it makes sense to feel overwhelmed and cautious. Its the beginning of the next chapter but its quite a journey to get there. Walking into listing your home with knowledge and calm will help immensely in the transaction to come.
offer acceptance- elation, anxiety, Cautious Optimism
Accepting an offer is a great reason to celebrate and feel (cautiously) optimistic. Having a buyer on the line is half the battle, now it’s time to focus on keeping them.
Inspection & negotiations- fear, anger, anxiety, sadness
It’s so easy to get caught up in this phase, to take it personally when something needs to be fixed or a buyer is asking for a lot. I see people blowing up deals over less than $1000 because of the emotional component. This is when it is so important to remember its not a reflection of you, its just a transaction.
Closing- Elation, excitement, relief, anxiety, Bittersweet, sorrow
The end of an era! This can feel so conflicting- it may be your family home of decades or a divorce situation and letting go in these scenarios can feel much more emotional and yucky. Often it is a joyous experience, though- a sigh of relief to be through It and excitement for whats next.
